We Are Survivors 

This blog is dedicated to the tens of millions of adult survivors of child abuse and neglect who get up every day and try to work and function in a world that seems to not care about us.

Family Dynamics of Incest- Part 2

This blog is a continuation of my discussion about the dynamics of family incest.[1] As we found out from what I wrote in Part 1, although the oldest daughter has borne the brunt of meeting her father’s cravings for intimacy, her younger brother and sister have also suffered. Even though the father has become skillful in practicing his molestation techniques out-of-sight, it is nearly impossible for accidental sightings of wrongdoing not to occur.

The son will sooner or later inadvertently watch one of his father’s grooming sessions with his older sister. If that happens at a young enough age when he is forming his own identity, the son may be so titillated by the behavior he sees, he may begin to act out his pre-pubertal sexual needs with his younger sister. (For more information  sibling incest which is very common, read Sibling Incest.

To keep his son under control, the father many times resorts to physical force.  Abusing his son in this manner creates enormous feelings of rage and impotency within the son for not being able to protect himself. This type of behavior is also consistently reinforced by the media that it is natural for men to hit someone to address a frustrating problem. Thus, the son may grow to imitate his father’s behavior with his younger sister and when he has his own family. The younger sister is left to deal with her shame, self-hate and guilt on her own.

The cardinal rule within an incestuous family is that everything will be all right as long as the family keeps the abuse a secret. The reality is that the children have been conditioned to “keep their mouths shut or else,” the mother has become the silent partner to the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of her children, and the father believes his actions are misunderstood by society, so his acts need to be done in secret.

Society plays a part in perpetrating incest by unofficially condoning one set of rules for behavior outside the home and another for inside the home. When molestation, rape, and beatings against someone occurs inside the home, it is a private “family matter.”

Society, then, is just as much a silent partner to these crimes as the mother or other caretakers.


[1] Patricia W. Crigler, Insight in the Military Family, in Kaslow et al, The Military Family, pp. 98-124

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Family Dynamics of Incest- Part 1
Family Dynamics of Incest - Part 3
 

Comments 2

FriedaB on Sunday, 14 August 2016 17:31

I am relieved to have found this website and blog. I come from a family of 8 children, all of whom were sexually molested by family members (father-daughter and older siblings-younger siblings). I was curious as to whether the dynamics detailed in these blogs would apply to what occurred in my family of origin. I found many similarities and familiar scenarios, and it was especially helpful to see what amounts to a verbal diagram of my dysfunctional family. Thank you!

0
I am relieved to have found this website and blog. I come from a family of 8 children, all of whom were sexually molested by family members (father-daughter and older siblings-younger siblings). I was curious as to whether the dynamics detailed in these blogs would apply to what occurred in my family of origin. I found many similarities and familiar scenarios, and it was especially helpful to see what amounts to a verbal diagram of my dysfunctional family. Thank you!
Diane on Wednesday, 17 August 2016 10:13

First let me say I am sorry to hear about the abuse you and your siblings endured. What is described in these three related posts unfortunately applies to both what you endured as well as tens of millions of children in the U.S. There is a lot of information I have provided on my blog. I hope you will find more information that helps as you read them.

Check out our Birthday Initiative on our website. It is another way that we at EDCI honor survivors.

0
First let me say I am sorry to hear about the abuse you and your siblings endured. What is described in these three related posts unfortunately applies to both what you endured as well as tens of millions of children in the U.S. There is a lot of information I have provided on my blog. I hope you will find more information that helps as you read them. Check out our Birthday Initiative on our website. It is another way that we at EDCI honor survivors.

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