Over the past 10 years, many survivors have posted comments on blogs I have written (We Are Survivors Blog). I have taken many of the survivors’ public comments and am sharing them with you. Here you can see how deep the impact of abuse/neglect affects one's spirit and how society's denial perpetuates needless suffering.
Survivor #21: My father was a military career man. Both he and my mother were abusive. My father was physically abusive. My mother was both emotionally and physically abusive. No one ever wondered why I was the way I was back then in school, and no one ever questioned it. There were enough signs, but it seems either awareness wasn’t there or it was accepted as “discipline.” I don’t know. But for nearly 40 years, I have been in denial off and on over my feelings for my parents. I am trying to deal with how I feel about a lifetime or neglect and hardships because of them.
Survivor #22: It is typical for abused girls to get pregnant. The reason? They have developed no boundaries because their boundaries have been constantly violated. I know from my own experience. I am an incest survivor. I got pregnant at 17 and gave birth to my daughter at 18. I have blocked out my abuse for most of my adult life until last year when I remembered it all.
Survivor #23: What I find really scary is that abusive parents and collusive relatives are utterly unable to see the world of damage they did and keep doing the same thing even when the actual abuse is back in the far past.
Survivor #24: My family was pretty well off. We looked so very perfect. We took nice vacations. We had clean clothes and were well fed. My parents were both very active in the church and very generous with their time and money when it came to charity. We had picture books full of all the perfect things we did together as a family. What people didn’t see was the emotional and physical abuse, the abuse that I couldn’t recognize until I was an adult because:
- It seemed normal and acceptable to me. I assumed everyone was treated that way, and many kids in our church were treated in a similar manner.
- I thought everything bad that had happened in our family was my fault. After all, it is what I was always told.
- I assumed that anyone who grew up to have a good marriage and a solid job (as I am l lucky to have) couldn’t possibly have been abused. I credited my parents, not myself, with my success.